Busy Mums

UK Children -are they really that miserable and unfulfilled

Last week the press were reporting on how UK children are bottom of the table when it comes to being happy and fulfilled.

Although this report talked about poverty it also highlighted family breakdown. Now there are a lot of ways you can describe what family breakdown is.

The one which of course springs to everyones mind is the number of single parent families there now are.

Now I have not read the report - so maybe I am commenting out of turn, what I am reflecting on is the articles and media reports which I have read and seen on the news.

My point is that a family can be broken even when they have two parents. Surely it is the quality of the parenting and the support that each individual family can call upon that is important. And when I say support, I mean family, friends and as a last resort professional services.

I say this because as someone who has been a single parent - not out of choice - but out of necessity, I found myself entering this scary alternative world for parents with a feeling I had failed, not only as a person but as a parent. This is not a good way to approach life.

Actually that sounds a little too harsh. What I am trying to say, rather badly is that, it is hard enough being a single parent without everyone assuming your children and you are more likely to go off the rails.

There are an awful lot of single parents doing a pretty good job in sometimes very difficult circumstances, which most of them never thought they would find themselves in.

Instead of negative criticism positive support would be more helpful.

The thing which I find slightly irritating is, there must have always been single parent families. Lets face it, with two world wars and not even penicillin available, there were a lot of widows and widowers around. On top of that, any woman in an abusive relationship would have no choice but to sit it out, as apart from probably being unable to work it was even difficult if not impossible to get a divorce, and the stigma associated with divorce was unbearable for many to even contemplate.

So with even more death, angst and poverty our forebears manged quite well. So what are we doing differently?

Now I am sure there is a percentage of people who are not good at controlling their children. The parents are not interested in them, and where the kids do not have any positive role models to follow.

What is interesting is that I bet you could talk to any number of teachers who would be able to highlight at an early age- probably before they were even ten years old the kids these very kids which are heading for trouble.

We should use this information to target those kids for extra support. It would probably help the teachers and the other children in the class as these are the very children who are likely to be disruptive right from an early age.

Of course, I do think lack of discipline is to blame as is lack of peoples accountability. I find it incredible that it is only after the recent killings in London that the law is now going to look at stricter sentences for seventeen to twenty one years olds. Even that probably does not go far enough.

It is also true to say that the drug culture plays a big part. Drugs change peoples personalities and values and sometimes even the best parents have found their beloved children have fallen fowl of this demon.

Anyway I am drifting, what I am trying to say is don't generalise. I know - it is true that two loving parents in a traditional family unit is the ideal, but not every person has the luxury of that kind of upbringing whether they live with a Mum and Dad or just one parent.

Lets focus on the quality of the relationship we all have with our children, and how we can improve on it. And maybe how we can offer support to others who are having a tough time. That way we are not looking at where people have come from but focusing on where they are going - which is a much more positive take on life.

posted by Diana and Steve @ 18:09