Now its a School Lottery?
Today the Busy-Mums Blog talks about the School Lottery.Visit http://www.helpforbusymums.com the website resource to help busy mums.
I feel really sorry for those parents in Brighton and Hove, who have suddenly found that the goal posts have changed. From next year (2008), the eligibility of the school they would prefer to send their children to is not the same as it was last week.
The sad thing is that although a computer may now be randomly selecting where a child attends school, there always has been clamor for children to get into the best schools. So its just the same war on a different battlefield.
Wouldn't it be nice if all the schools were "good". Then there would not be so much of a problem ....maybe. But what is the definition of a good school? for most of us it is the school which is top in the league tables. But is that really a true reflection of the success of a school or its pupils?
I am really lucky with the school that my girls attend in
Ringwood, which is just on the Dorset Hampshire border. It has a good name. However parents who are just outside of
Ringwood do struggle to get into the school.
Ringwood is a comprehensive. Dorset still has the old grammar school system, so it makes sense for those children who miss out on the grammar school to try and attend
Ringwood. However it is a real shame they are not confident enough in their local schools.
Of course
Ringwood Comprehensive does not have any where such good results as the Bournemouth Grammar Schools which has a strict selection process.
The selection process also happens on a less transparent basis in some parts of the country where the
SATS become a "tool" in the process of selection, within some supposedly non selective schools. Guess what their results in the League Tables are also going to be good.
To me this is
divisive. Any school which is taking children of lower academic ability, is not going to do so well in the league tables. Yet the child may have made significantly more progress than their opposite number in a selective school where the children have a higher academic ability.
Now I know of one school, which a friend of mine started teaching at a couple of years ago. She joined this school which is highly regarded, from having taught at quite a tough co ed school in a neighbouring town.
She was delighted to be moving to a single sex school which parents fought to get their children into. However her delight turned very quickly to horror. The lesson plans were non existent, the staff room moral was very low.
Absence among teachers was high.
When my friend compared the two schools - the better school in terms of commitment to the children, positive ethos and quality of teaching was undoubtedly the tough co ed school. Of course its results were no where as good as the single sex school, which has been languishing on its laurels and past reputation.
As a school it may well be delivering beyond the expected standards set by the government - but that school maybe well be failing based on the progress of each child.
And lets face it , given the demographics of the school, it is likely the pupils which are attending are probably more academic and have more proactive parents in the first place.
All I can say is that I am really glad that my kids do not go there..
We should take far more interest how the children have developed throughout their school career. Lets face it, if you have a child who has always had a natural academic
ability - of course you want that to be invested in. But equally if your child has been a slow starter - the teaching and school experience is almost more vital.
Kids being in a happy, enthusiastic environment is the one thing which will empower children to learn and enjoy school. To me that is far more important than basing how good a school is purely on the League Tables.
So lets start working hard to make all schools good and particular recognition for the schools where children are seem to improve the most because that is what makes difference between success and failure.
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Labels: best schools, children, school holidays parents, school league tables, selection
The End of Half Term
Half Term has just ended and mayhem seems to reign in my house.
I always thought that the older children got the more you can delegate and the less I would have to tackle.
I don't think I am the only Mum who feels like this. As I was browsing round
Waitrose I over heard two women talking. One said to the other how untidy her son's bedroom was, but his idea of tidying it up was to take all the clothes lying on the floor and put them in the dirty linen basket.
Because their clothes are bigger they take up more room and there seems a lot more of them than there was when they were small. Also "they" decide when they are dirty. And given the choice between hanging something up and putting it out to be washed. They take the easier option. And you can guess what that is.
They eat more, normally more than the adults - make more mess and don't always clear up when you want them to; as they are too busy, conveniently doing homework, which of course you certainly do not want to discourage.
Then there is the blossoming social life which often means that every evening is interrupted by Mummy mini cab service, free prompt and available whenever required. Actually my kids always complain I am not very prompt - but I am reliable.
When they were little I chose their friends and when and where they went, and my evening generally were my own.
Then there is the discipline side of things. The naughty step does not work quite the same way. Although the general principle of rewarding good behaviour and intercepting unacceptable behaviour still needs to be addressed.
And of course when they were little I was the all knowing central figure in my
children's lives. They have now realised I was a complete fraud, and they are smarter and capable than me. This leads to my own personal idiosyncrasies having huge comic value.
But
despite all the challenges my kids are still funny, entertaining and constantly surprise me.
And the thing I find interesting is how much I learn from them.
So I guess the chaos is worth it. In a few years the chaos will be replaced by an empty house which does not get untidy. Not sure how much I will like that either.
Labels: families, mums, parenting, school holidays parents
MRSA and the NHS
In the news today there is a lot about
MRSA and how the infection rates are still climbing.
For me as a Mum, yet another thing to worry myself silly about.
I can not imagine how distressing it must be to go into hospital for one thing and then contract something so sinister and serious that it can kill you. And even worse something which appears to be caused by bad hygiene.
I find it interesting that we blame the spread of
MRSA just on the fact that these infections have become resistant to antibiotics. Surely that means that this infection was already present and
endemic in our hospitals - just that when people got an infection (whatever that transpired to be) - it was cured by antibiotics.
Before antibiotics and
penicillin many people died from illnesses which would now be treated quite easily.
With all the medical advances which have been made, we should be able to keep our hospitals clean surely?
It is easy to blame lack of investment, or lack of medical staff, but if
MRSA is caused by lack of hygiene and subsequent cross infection then really the fundamental cause of this is lack of cleanliness and a possible lack of accountability.
It seems to me that we have a sort of schizophrenic relationship with the
NHS. On the one hand, there are people doing a sterling job. And then conversely you visit someone in hospital and you notice how the staff feel undervalued and it shows with their attitude and the "service" that the patient is receiving.
The people on the front line are often doing the best they can. But I think most of us have heard scary stories. What I think the
NHS needs is good leadership. I guess years ago the leadership was in the care of medical staff. Now it seems to be in the care of civil servants and politicians who impose targets which seem now to take priority over patient care and the staff's ability to deliver.
When people don't feel listened to, or given recognition, pessimism can become contagious. No amount of money can resolve that - and I believe that is part of the complex equation which has contributed to
MRSA continuing to spread.
If in Holland they can reduce the instance of
MRSA to a couple of percent then there is no reason we can not either. No excuses - we just need to tackle it in a more business like way.
Perhaps what is needed is a Stuart Rose or Alan Sugar type figure, to take on the
NHS.
Ultimately whether you like it or not the
NHS is a business - and should not be a paralysed budget strapped institution.
Maybe all the Senior
Management Teams should "work" undercover for a month at the "
pit face", doing the cleaning, and caring, which fifty years ago were the bedrock of nursing.
Maybe they would then see what changes need to be made, to make the
NHS a health institution which the staff would be proud to be ambassadors of.
Labels: Alan Sugar, MRSA, NHS, Stuart Rose
Yesterday I wrote about the near shave our family had last weekend, when a candle which we thought had been put out,
smouldered all night and then caught fire to the dried flower arrangement it was attached to.
I would consider myself as fairly safety conscious - and one of the things which I want to do with my website,
http://www.helpforbusymums.com was to provide a resource for busy mums to help them save time, and provide them with "sound bites of info" from the media, books and other mums. Today this is what I am going to attempt to do.
You are probably thinking by now I have gone off the point. What I am getting round to talking about is a item which appeared on the Jeremy Vine show, on Radio 2, I think before Christmas. It was about candles and nightlights.
There was someone representing the fire service talking and highlighting the dangers. I certainly learnt a few things.
He talked about nightlights and how if wrongly displayed, they are a serious fire
hazard.
The problem he explained is that because the nightlight is contained in a thin metal casing, people assume that the casing is there for safety and to contain the flame, whereas in actual fact it is just to hold the candle wax.
It is not uncommon for nightlights to be placed directly on to surfaces, which are not fire resistant.
In a way you can understand the trap people fall into (and we did as well). Candles and night lights look very pretty.
He mentioned some occasions which he had witnessed as a fireman when peoples homes have been wrecked.
Candles and nightlights placed on televisions, mantelpieces, furniture and window sills all had resulted in serious fires.
There was also something which he mentioned ( and I may not have the terminology quite right ) a double burn. This is when the candle/nightlight has two flames, often when the candle has burned away so the wax and the wick are alight. This results in twice the heat, twice the danger - which I had never realised.
After some minutes of discussion the phone lines were opened up and there were several very scary calls from people who had got into trouble with candles and nightlights.
The one which sticks in my mind is a lady who telephoned in about her aunt who had put some candles or nightlights around her bath one evening. She thought she had blown them out. However, one may not have quite gone out and re-lit.
It then
smouldered away through the night, until it eventually started burning her bath - which was made out of plastic. The fumes themselves were dangerous. By the time this ladies aunt had realised what was happening there was an explosion, caused I guess, by the substances on fire and probably other stuff like bleach, which we tend to keep in the bathroom. Amazingly the aunt survived.
A very scary story.
So without wishing to destroy those candlelit baths and romantic evenings in candlelight. Do be really careful.
Now I am going to make another call to the loss adjuster who is meant to be calling round to assess the damage to our lounge.
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Labels: fire hazzard, fire safety tips, safety tips
On Saturday night we went to bed having made the usual household checks. Switched off the lights, locked the doors and blown out the candles.
At about 6:00am the dog started barking. Nothing particularly unusual in that, so we thought. She has been playing up quite a lot lately - and it was probably a cry for attention. Her barking stopped. We went back to sleep.
At about 7:00am the an alarm clock went off. My husband and I sighed, we were really looking forward to a lie in and it just seemed to be one thing after another.
After about a minute we both became aware it wasn't the alarm clock at all. It was the fire alarm. And it was still going.
Our immediate thought was that one of the kids had been downstairs and managed to burn the toast. This has happened several times before.
The alarm persisted and it was only then I thought there might possibly be a problem.
I threw my dressing gown on and rushed out onto the landing. Immediately I could smell smoke. I ran downstairs wondering what to expect and shouting FIRE GET UP at the top of my voice.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs I could see the problem. A dried flower arrangement which was housing a candle was on fire on the window sill. The flames were about eighteen inches high. And burning foliage was turning to molten ash and drifting all over the room.
The thick black smoke - just from this one item in flames made it dificult to breathe and even to see.
Fortunately the flames had not reached the curtains or the sofa and I realised I had probably a minute or so before they did. So my thought was to try and contain the fire by throwing a wet tea towel over it. If that did not work dial 999.
I rushed to the kitchen grabbed a tea towel and dowsed it with water. I ran back to the lounge breathing a sign of relief that the curtains or sofa had not yet caught fire.
It was only then that my husband finely appeared. He had run down the stairs naked and then run back upstairs to make himself decent! The kids appeared just about the same time.
Finally after another wet tea towel was thrown on this mini molten inferno my husband managed to throw the offending article - which was still on fire out of the window.
Half an hour later we sat down and thought how lucky we were. Thank goodness we had a
working fire alarm. It also made us think about our reaction to the situation.
Of course the candle should have been checked before we went to bed. But the thing that worried me the most, was how many times I had to shout fire before everyone appeared. Now I maybe only talking a matter of seconds, but when you are dealing with fire it is the seconds which count.
How much more damage would have been done if my husband and I had debated who was going to go downstairs to investigate? Another minute or two.....it does not bare thinking about.
That fire alarm saved our home and possibly our lives.
Labels: candles and fire, fire prevention, fire safety, fire safety tips
Healthy Easting for children
Healthy Eating for ChildrenI was so pleased to see on TV last week, the school dinner ladies who had been invited to lunch with Prince Charles. Well done them.
It was also interesting listening to one deputy head being interviewed about the challenge of introducing healthy children's meals into school. As he put it and I certainly really empathise with this. "Children will sink to the lowest denominator with food".
My interpretation of that is simple. Offer children burger and chips or cottage pie and vegetables, and you will find the vast majority will choose the least healthy.
So you really do wonder whose bright idea it was to offer children so many choices?
When I was at junior school we used to have a cooked dinner and pudding. No choice - and although I do remember the odd
dodgy menu. (Salad I never liked). No one ever starved to death.
Eating our lunch at set tables with the top year serving was an event. Now children have to queue for meals, sometimes have to eat their lunch in classrooms. So the whole "lunch" event has disappeared.
Of course it is the same in many offices. Lots of people grab something at the local sandwich shop and eat lunch a their desk. This has been proved not only to be pretty
unhygienic but also a bad work practice. People need a break, especially if they are sat in front of a computer screen all day.
But as with the status that comes with the number of emails you receive, some offices work ethic is to work through your lunch hour - it shows you are busy. But the thing is, being busy, is not necessarily productive. Then of course, the other bad habit that creeps up, is sitting down in front of the telly to eat.
So perhaps we need to look at setting an example in the work place, as well as at home. After all how can we expect our children to have healthy habits if we do not set a half decent example ourselves.
There are loads of programs on television now which show us the damage we are doing to our own and our children's health. There is also a confirmed link between behaviour and diet, so lets stop taking the easy option on the food stakes.
And if you are not a good cook don't despair. All you need is a few "signature dishes" which you can rustle up easily. And to find these I would look to your favourite celebrity chef. My favourites are Jamie Oliver and Anthony
Worrell Thomson - personally like their no fuss approach to cooking. Their enthusiasm and laid back approach has certainly given me the confidence to cook things which I probably would not have attempted to do for a week night supper.
So lets back Jamie Oliver and the healthy school meals by running our own healthy food campaign back home.
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http://www.helpforbusymums.comLabels: healthy meals, jamie oliver, school dinners
UK Children -are they really that miserable and unfulfilled
Last week the press were reporting on how UK children are bottom of the table when it comes to being happy and fulfilled.
Although this report talked about poverty it also highlighted family breakdown. Now there are a lot of ways you can describe what family breakdown is.
The one which of course springs to everyones mind is the number of single parent families there now are.
Now I have not read the report - so maybe I am commenting out of turn, what I am reflecting on is the articles and media reports which I have read and seen on the news.
My point is that a family can be broken even when they have two parents. Surely it is the quality of the parenting and the support that each individual family can call upon that is important. And when I say support, I mean family, friends and as a last resort professional services.
I say this because as someone who has been a single parent - not out of choice - but out of necessity, I found myself entering this scary alternative world for parents with a feeling I had failed, not only as a person but as a parent. This is not a good way to approach life.
Actually that sounds a little too harsh. What I am trying to say, rather badly is that, it is hard enough being a single parent without everyone assuming your children and you are more likely to go off the rails.
There are an awful lot of single parents doing a pretty good job in sometimes very difficult circumstances, which most of them never thought they would find themselves in.
Instead of negative criticism positive support would be more helpful.
The thing which I find slightly irritating is, there must have always been single parent families. Lets face it, with two world wars and not even penicillin available, there were a lot of widows and widowers around. On top of that, any woman in an abusive relationship would have no choice but to sit it out, as apart from probably being unable to work it was even difficult if not impossible to get a divorce, and the stigma associated with divorce was unbearable for many to even contemplate.
So with even more death, angst and poverty our forebears manged quite well. So what are we doing differently?
Now I am sure there is a percentage of people who are not good at controlling their children. The parents are not interested in them, and where the kids do not have any positive role models to follow.
What is interesting is that I bet you could talk to any number of teachers who would be able to highlight at an early age- probably before they were even ten years old the kids these very kids which are heading for trouble.
We should use this information to target those kids for extra support. It would probably help the teachers and the other children in the class as these are the very children who are likely to be disruptive right from an early age.
Of course, I do think lack of discipline is to blame as is lack of peoples accountability. I find it incredible that it is only after the recent killings in London that the law is now going to look at stricter sentences for seventeen to twenty one years olds. Even that probably does not go far enough.
It is also true to say that the drug culture plays a big part. Drugs change peoples personalities and values and sometimes even the best parents have found their beloved children have fallen fowl of this demon.
Anyway I am drifting, what I am trying to say is don't generalise. I know - it is true that two loving parents in a traditional family unit is the ideal, but not every person has the luxury of that kind of upbringing whether they live with a Mum and Dad or just one parent.
Lets focus on the quality of the relationship we all have with our children, and how we can improve on it. And maybe how we can offer support to others who are having a tough time. That way we are not looking at where people have come from but focusing on where they are going - which is a much more positive take on life.
Valentines Day
What does Valentines Day mean to you?
Although Valentines day is meant to be a love thing .... it can also make you feel that you are really unloved and alone!
I am sure most people must have spent a Valentine when they have felt "un valentined".
The different ages of the Valentine
Think about it, when you are young (if you were like me), you would secretly hope that anonymous bouquet of flowers, would land unexpectedly on your doorstep, from some admiring, rich good looking guy, who "has just noticed you". And year on year disappointment follows because that anonymous guy, generous enough to spend a fortune on a severely inflated bunch of red roses never materialises!
I know of plenty of people who have been driven to such depths of despair with Valentines day, hat they have gone out and sent themselves a card. I have one friend who admitted years later, that she sent herself some flowers, on one particular sad and lonely Valentines.
It would be interesting to know the she statistics for those of us who have sunk to such depths. There probably is multi million pound turnover, just on this, truth be known.
But I don't think many people would be prepared to own up to it
Eventually Hurrah! You join the Valentines Club.
Your partner may not be the romantic type, but you do exchange cards and after the initial Bridget Jones smugness of having a boyfriend and actually getting a Valentine card, flowers and maybe even a romantic dinner, you take it all rather for granted.
That is until you approach a Valentines Day feeling sad and lonely because you have split from your boyfriend/husbandt!
One particularly February I was newly single and feeling rather "alone". I really did not mind being alone - it was in fact a lot better than being with someone who was not right. However as Valentines day approached, whether I was sitting watching the television, reading a magazine or just wondering round the shops all I could see was stuff being advertised for Valentines Day. Even the restaurants I walked past had boards outside inviting people to book romantic candle lit dinners. Just what you need to give you a lift, when you are feeling sad and lonely.
I suddenly seemed to be the only single person left in the world. My brain seemed to be doing google like searches and all the searches displayed loving couples. It was as if my subconscious was hard-wired to seeing anything vaguely romantic.
Wherever I went everyone seemed to be with someone - apart from me. I really did feel like Billy No Mates.
So if you are having a good Valentines Day this year, spare a thought for all those who are putting a brave face on it. Maybe you can send them a card!
Remember most of us have been there sometime...and as my Dad always says, "nothing ever stays the same". So you never know by next year you will be back in the Valentines Club - and even feeling a little smug.
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Labels: valentines day - what does it mean to you?
Good Morning TV Highlighting Domestic Violence
This week the day time TV show has been highlighting the problems of domestic violence.
It is such good campaign and I am so glad that shows like Good Morning do from time make a point of highlighting this secret nightmare which thousands of people live in.
One of the problems I believe is that many people suffer domestic violence - and do not even realise that this is what is happening to them.
This can be demonstrated even when there is extreme violence. People outside of this experience find it difficult to understand, why it often takes so long for people to leave the relationship even when they have finally accepted they are a victim of it.
For many of us, the definition of Domestic Violence is physical violence which happens on a regular basis - by which I mean every week or so. There is also a profile of the kind of person who is likely to experience it. Both these definitions are inaccurate. Domestic violence cuts across class, race, money and culture. It happens in every walk of life.
Threats of violence, or being pushed , shoved , shaken, punched or throttled even once is unacceptable and constitutes domestic violence.
Mental abuse is even more difficult to identify. "Tip toeing" around someone, or being frightened of the reaction you are likely to receive - in itself can be as symptom of control and abuse of power and needs to be addressed.
As a doctor I knew once said "No body needs to lay a finger on you" for you to be a battered wife or husband!
Anyone who feels they could be a victim of this needs to talk to someone, their GP is often a good place start or visit - or go on line and ring the number listed on your local domestic violence website.
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Labels: Good Morning TV Highlighting Domestic Violence
Bullying and Big Brother
In the UK the last two or three weeks the media has written loads of stuff on the antics which went on in the Celebrity Big Brother house. I have never really been a fan of these programs, but unfortunately for me my teenage daughters really love it, and worse still my (lovely) husband who is their Step Dad says he wants to watch it as a "bonding experience with the girls". Although I am hugely sceptical about his claim, the upshot of this was that if I wanted to enjoy some family TV time then perhaps I should watch it too.In fact I found it quite an eye opener in lots of ways. Although it is probably safe to say how the programme was edited is very much open for discussion.What it highlighted to me were situations which go on in many schools, work places all over the world. Bullying. The trouble is people constantly turn a blind eye - or make excuses for this negative behaviour, - which in my book is totally unacceptable.The format sadly often runs the same. Strong Person - has some rather easily lead (weaker) friends and pick on someone else. Many people stand by and do little to intercept the situation, probably hoping it will blow over or in some cases do not want to upset the "Strong Person".The thing about bullying - is it is often a secret terror, particularly with women where the attacks are verbal.Normally the bully or "the Strong Person" does not get "discovered" quite so publicly as Jade Goodey was. I saw Carole Malone interviewed shortly after "the incident" on Big Brother - and she said it would never of happened if I had been there. " And I don't think it would have. She would have told Jade Goodey to shut up and sort herself out. Bullying is almost always prompted by there being something "different" about the targeted person. They could be posh, poor, fat or skinny, clever, pretty.....the list goes on.Jade Goodey has been vilified - I am not sure that is right. The press could be seen to being bullies themselves if they choose to "pick on people".What I do think should come out of this are some good things.... and hopefully that is happening.Shilpa showed great strength of character and quite rightly has come out the "hero" in all this which I am sure is going to help other victims of bullying realise, that bullying can happen to anyone.I also hear from the news that Jermaine Jackson is spending time visiting schools talking about bullying - he was a victim of bullying.Maybe those who adopt this kind of "bitching" that was going on with Jade and her little gang will be a little more aware of their own behaviour. And maybe the odd school and work place where they are aware of situations but leaving them to run their course ... for whatever reason may now choose to intercept the situation.I hope so anyway.Diana Groves
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